Wednesday, February 8, 1984

A nurse at Love's hospital called to tell me that Love was moved from a coronary care room to the Coronary Intensive Care Unit this morning. Love's sister called this evening and told me that he had another heart attack, but his condition had stabilized again. She said his records should arrive at the hospital tonight, and that the doctors have finally decided to do the necessary bypass surgery tomorrow or Friday. Why have they waited this long? Let's hope Love lives until they do the surgery. Every hour is a miracle now! Love told his sister to tell me that he will see me again.

I called a professional nursing service to find out what to do about Mom's poor appetite. They told me about a liquid product on the market that has more then enough protein, vitamins and minerals, and recommended it as the next step in her home care. Why didn't her doctor discuss that with me? The service also told me that when she gets to the point that she won't drink the liquid nutrients, a Registered Nurse could come to my house and insert an intravenous solution. The nurse wouldn't stay if I was home, and she could teach me to disconnect the IV when it was empty. I was also informed that it is covered by her insurance and Medicare. Mom's doctor has mentioned nothing about these available services, why not? I have had to find out everything that I've found out about equipment, services and options by myself. I'm glad that I quit procrastinating and made an appointment with another doctor for Mom. The doctor, Mom refused to go to because she thought he was trying to kill her, recommended this doctor. She needs a doctor who is sensitive to me, as well as her needs.

I gave Mom a shower and washed her hair today. When she came here, her hair was a totally different color than it was after I washed it the first time. She hadn't been taking care of herself at home. When her medicine becomes regulated and she returns home, I'll have to check on her all the time.

I talked to an old friend, who lives in a nearby suburb. it lifted my spirits! Everything has seemed to be going wrong in my life for so long now, it's comforting just to hear a familiar voice on the phone.

I have tended to let the house and myself go, because I'm always tending to Mom now, trying to keep her clean, trying to constantly feed her, etc. I am changing very rapidly now, as Mom's conditions change, and I am not sure that I like all these changes, in myself, as well as in Mom. When she has a good day, I think that she'll live a long time and be fine eventually, but then her bad days shock me into the realization that she may not have that long. I felt the same way about her mother, and it was a surprise to me that her mother lived over 15 years. It's hard for me to realize that Mom may very well do the same.