Monday, January 23, 1984

I was told today by the Salvation Army that they aren't helping toward utility bills, as they have in the past. The Township Supervisor told me that he doesn't think that Cilco can turn off my gas and electricity unless the temperature reaches thirty-two degrees for forty-eight hours. He told me not to worry, because it won't stay over thirty-two degrees for forty-eight hours, and that Cilco lied to me. Cilco then told me that if the temperature gets above thirty-two degrees for a twenty-four hour period, they can terminate my service, and that the Township Supervisor is wrong. The Home Energy Assistance Program agency, HEAP, told me that they have already gotten their quota for this county and they can't take any more applications until January 30th, if there are any funds left at that time for the program. If all else fails, since I was smart enough last month to get a full tank of gas, I will take Mom, me, and the dogs, park in front of Cilco, send Mom inside their building to stay warm, warm the car occasionally for the dogs, and picket Cilco with a sign stating, "77 year old Mom, and me, no heat, help"!

I found out why Love has been so intolerable to be around lately. He told me that he had been that way intentionally, because the last Veteran's Administration cardiology surgeon told him that he wouldn't be alive January 21st, and that they couldn't get him in for surgery before then, He also fessed-up that he had technically died during the second angiogram for eighteen seconds, before the doctors recussitated him. He said with all the problems I have, I didn't need him dying here as my father almost did. Doesn't he realize that my mother will, almost certainly die here or be living here when she died? He said that if anything does happen, he wants to be cremated, and that I should have his ashes, because he knows that's what I would want, which is true. He also said that he had written his brother in Missouri about what was happening, and that he wanted me to have his ashes. Maybe another urn on my wall! It explains his long telephone calls in the wee, morning hours the last two days. Had I known what the surgeon told him, my thoughts and actions would have been a lot different. Even though I know that five coronary bypass surgery is extensive surgery, I didn't realize the gravity of the situation, or what he must have been feeling.

Love's cardiology surgeon called. If Love is still alive, they will do the surgery on Thursday. He has to be there before noon tomorrow. Love is here for the evening with me. I can't go to the hospital to be with Love. I don't have the money to go, or to arrange for someone to stay with Mom. I know that he wants me there before he has surgery, but I can't swing it.

He wants to sue the hospital here for not transferring him to the veteran's hospital as soon as his condition was stabilized. He wants to sue the nearby hospital and cardiologist for not recommending immediate bypass surgery, because the cardiologist wrote in the angiogram report that he was an ideal candidate for the surgery, and didn't tell him. I don't blame him, he has been so mishandled, because he didn't have finances or insurance.