Monday, January 2, 1984

Why is football on two TV stations and cartoons and children's stories on the other two stations? Mom and I are women, not men, not children. It makes us invisible! I'm tired of being one of the silent majority.

I took down the Christmas decorations, which wasn't an easy task, because I had every room, doorway, and table decorated, besides the tree. I decorated everything because of Mom; this might be one of her last Christmas seasons. I tried very hard to keep her interested, since so many old people get depressed during this season. She dressed up Christmas day, and she didn't want to get undressed that night to go to bed, so , I accomplished what I set out to do. I took many pictures of Mom in front of all the different decorations to send to her relatives.

I did the same elaborate charade for New Year's Eve. I really tried to make it an occasion for her - steak dinner, champagne, the works. I really played the role with hats, horns and decorations. I even got a picture of my ten year old male dog with a New Year's hat on his head and horn in his mouth. Ditto, Mom.

Mom is very feeble anymore, so, I ordered her a 4-legged cane last week. I hope it arrives soon, because I'm always afraid she will fall, even though the house is plushly carpeted in most rooms.

When I inquired about the cane, I also inquired about all the other equipment I will need in the future. I found out that her Medicare insurance will pay 80% for most of it, except bathroom fixtures. When her mother was old, she had to be carried from spot to spot, and if there was equipment available to make the job easier, the money wasn't. She lived with relatives the first fifteen years of my life in various stages of old age.

I realize that nursing homes have a place in society, but I think they are over-used. Too many people are stuck in them by their 'caring' relatives, who don't want to make the time or want to devote time to them. It's an easy way out! I do feel that I am fortunate, since I don't have any children at home.

Mother's doctor has been prodding me to stick Mom in a nursing home, and I may end up changing doctors because of it. Her old doctor, the one she refused to go to anymore, knew how I felt about nursing homes and was supportive of my actions. I've never had a rapport with her current doctor anyway.

If there came a day when I couldn't take care of Mom, I would be the first one to admit it, and would be forced to hire outside help or put her in a nursing home, but that time is certainly not here yet, nor do I feel it will be for some time to come.

I've already broken one of my New Year's resolutions. I didn't scrub my face today, and my warts look better already, but now I have a blister in the palm of my right hand from sharpening my pencils.