Last night I watched TV, then went to my bedroom to try to read a book, although my concentration is bad. I had a night light and a bedside light on. When I couldn't concentrate any longer, I switched off my bedside light and lay propped up on my pillows just thinking. Suddenly, I heard Love say, "Hello, Baby". The instant I heard it, I knew it was Love. It was if he had walked in the back door, but I hadn't heard him enter the house. It was as if he was in the kitchen or several rooms away, somewhat like a long distance telephone call sounded thirty years ago. I wasn't dreaming and I wasn't asleep. I heard him very plainly, and it was Loves very distinctive voice. I sat straight up in bed, and ran to the kitchen, although I knew he wasn't there. It happened; I can't explain it, but I know it was him. I have always been cynical about people having these types of experiences. Love always told me that he would look after me, and I never doubted him, but I didn't expect him to look after me in death too. Love was here last night, if only for a little while, and is not in his urn at all, at least to me. I feel strangely comforted by the experience, not freightened at all. I will never be the same again. It has been an extremely profound experience. Or maybe I'm just nuts!
It's funny that most of my private thoughts the last few months have been planning a future with and without Love, because I didn't know if he would be able to get the surgery in time to save his life. I suppose I'm more prepared than most would be in that respect. He said he was still undecided about where he would recuperate when I saw him in the hospital after his surgery. Unfortunately his sister came into the room and we didn't get to talk privately anymore. I naturally assumed that we would have the time, while he was in the hospital recovering, to talk about the future. I was wrong and I can't redo it.
My girlfriend, Diane, and her husband, Don, are on the verge of divorce. She says he is running around on her, and that she's got letters to prove it. I didn't realize that their situation was so bad until today, although I knew they were having trouble. I told her to get some counseling for herself, because she sounds like she is ready to crack up. Don is here, spending the night in the room Love used. I also told him that it sounded like they needed some marriage counseling. Their problems are easy for me to see, but then I'm on the outside looking in. She's very possessive and he needs room to breathe. I don't know if he's running around or not. He has always seemed extremely selfish to me and she has always been very demanding. Marriage counseling could help, even though I don't think he has ever cared as much about her as she cares about him. Diane is one of the sweetest, most personable people I know, and I'm sorry she's having such a hard time.
