Monday, April 27, 2009

Monday, February 20, 1984

If Mom dies I need to simplify my life, sell this house, sell or rent part of Mom's house, and build the efficiency  apartment in Mom's house.  Money wouldn't be a make or break issue then.  I realize that I must have some money to live on, but not nearly as much as now.

 When I went to see Mom yesterday, she looked at me, but she looked at me as though she weren't seeing me, just staring.  Even though I talked to her, she just kept staring at me without uttering a sound.  It alarmed me, so, I went to the nurse's station to inquire about her condition, and when I returned to her bedside, she was asleep.  I don't know what she saw when she stared at me speechlessly, but that look will haunt me.  Her mind is gone, so, I will never know.

 I feel absolutely exhausted today.  I feel sore all over.  I am so tired.  It is like something has lived inside my body this last week and has returned it to me, totally spent.  It is an effort to even write this page.